I don´t know how to start… the white paper scares me at the beginning.
I have just started, so the next will be easier. I don´t know what I will
write, well… maybe I have the global idea ;) but I want to be spontaneous
because other times I think a lot in what I has written and I review many times
my texts. Now, I want to go where my thoughts guide me. Do they guide me or do I
guide them? I don´t know.
What I know is that I have a lot of questions in my head. Why
I am writing? Why now? Why here, on this blog? As I said, I want to be spontaneous,
so I have to be coherent with this. Because of that I am going to start with
the first answers that I consider. I am writing because I feel I need it,
because I want to stop during a moment, because want to organize my ideas,
because I want to “explore” what is happening inside my head, how I think… maybe
to do a metacognition investigation? Jaja
Why now? Because the semester is ending and the time for me
has passed “flying”, as we said in Spanish. This semester has a lot of complex
ideas, a lot, a lot. And I need time to assimilate them; I think it takes more
time that to understand them. So now, I have found one moment to think about
all this.
Now, I am realising that I never think: Now I am going to
stop and reflect about this or that. I just do it “unconsciously” and during my
reflection I realised that I am taking perspective and assessing one situation
or action. In these moments, like now, I have some kind of stress because I
don´t know how to do it exactly. I feel that there are too many things to
reflect, a lot of things to change, many things I don´t know. I feel so small
with a lot of questions. So it is a chaos on my mind. Due to this “stress” I
usually stop my reflections because it is a sense not comfortable for me, maybe
because it is not familiar and none has teach me to do it, to solve it, to
overcome it… Perhaps I don´t know how to manage my feeling or my thoughts. Or
maybe, I stops to reflect because it is difficult and I am lazy jaja. It could
be. Are they hypothesis? Keine Ahnung, as we say in German. Well this is the
first time I write about how I think.
Another thing I often do is to think that I should make
reflections usually, but at the end I never do it, like most of my own propositions.
So now, I am not going to propose this. I will reflect when I need to do it,
like today.
I am hungry, I am going to eat. I will answer other day to
the last question I did (Why am I writing on this blog?) When? I will see it.
Laura
